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I CONFESSED BEING IN LOVE
It happened during last year of my college. I was pursuing my degree in Computer Science and Engineering. As usual I was returning to my room, I stopped at Rathi Nagar ATM for money. I was standing in line and suddenly my eyes fall on a girl passing by. She was wearing Black Salwar Kmiz and she had a college bag in her right shoulder. Her face was much expressive, from her expressions I read she's feeling little confused, little angry and little insecure. I had never seen anything like this before, she was so cute to move away your eyes from her. I took money and returned to my room. After a day or two I saw her again between Rathi Nagar and Computer Circle area she was with her friend and this was the first time I saw her smiling face. For the third time I saw her and I couldn't control myself and told my friend Subodh about her, he used to reside to very next room that of mine. He was amused to listen because for the first time in these four years he has seen me praising a girl in that way. “If the girl is that beautiful then I must see her”, he said, when I told him about her. From that day, after college I use to stop near Rathi Nagar ATM for some time to have glimpse of her.
It was Saturday and I left college soon and returned to my room. As I headed towards steps to my surprise she was there washing utensils beside it. I laughed on myself, coz for having her glimpse I use to wait near ATM wasting my time and she was staying just below my room since so many days. This was the very first time I felt something special about her. I use to sit outside just to have look at her. All of sudden my feeling grew for her and the first person I was looking for to tell was Subodh but he was out of station for some days, till then I enjoyed looking her. When he returned I was exited to tell him about what happened. When I met him, she was talking with someone on her mobile phone, I said to him, “Look she's the girl I was talking about since several days and this is surprise for you I love her.”. By the way the surprise for me was much bigger when he told me she's his sister. Both the surprises were big and shocking. I asked, “Don't you have any odd feeling for me now.”. He said he trusts me and don't have any odd feelings. My class tests were on head and all I can think was her. In this course I learned her name is Rucha. Again it was Saturday the last paper, I left examination room and all I was thinking about approaching her. When I parked my cycle I stopped for a moment there I felt I will explode if I'll not talk to her. There was a fear in my mind how to approach her but I told myself to go ahead, it's now or never. I directly went to her room she was there with her friends. I had a little fear to go and talk with her, my head became heavy, my collars became tight and my heart beats increased to a level that I was able to feel them heavily on my chest. I asked her I want to talk something personal in private but she asked me to talk there. I got hustled and I was unable to think for some moments. My arms got weak and started sweating, sweat drops rolled down my forehead and I told her I am in love with her. She was astound and there was a pause in her room for some time her friends might be thinking of who's the guy and how in the world he got that guts to say openly to a girl that he loves her or they might be thinking who's that jerk who don't even knows how to propose a girl. She moved her eyes away from me keeping long pause on her lips and then looked in my eyes and said only one word “so..........”. I asked her to give me a chance and she refused, all can do was just thank her for breaking my heart and I came back to my room.
On eve I was sitting on steps near my room and her friend was moving out she turned around and looked at me, she might be thinking something about me(may be got something interesting to chat on). Things didn't went good first time because I got hustled while talking with her. To make things little clear I again talked to her and told her I love her very much and whenever she will open her heart I'll be waiting for a chance. I never cared about justifying what happened when we talked first because when we try to justify them they go more worse. As time passed off she started ignoring me, as soon as she used to see me coming she would ran away as I'll pound on her. I thought let it go, my feelings will fade soon. One day she left and I was not aware of this, else I would have talked to her. When I got she left, not to come back again. I closed door and windows of my room, closed light and sat in darkness until day breaks. I heard little bustle outside for water and I got my senses, I got up and had a look in mirror. I was surprised to see marks of rolling tears all over my cheeks, it had been more than 10 years I may have wept, I forgot how i weep but I shed my tears all night just because I'll not see her again.
After she left, everyday I use to stare at door of her room just in false hope she'll come out and I'll get a glimpse of her. My eyes use to became wet and I would close myself in my room to shed my silent tears. I run towards crowd when I miss her very much and to loneliness when in crowd. Every day I complain today will not be different from yesterday and I'll not see her. As the day moves on I feel I need her more than before but the worst part is she doesn't feel she needs me as much I feel I need her. Before I sleep I ask myself several times why I love her so much only to get no answer, when I get up in morning I look myself in mirror and become confused was I really asleep or just weeping in my sleep. People say feelings fade with time but for me it is becoming intense day by day. Hiding emotions is one of the toughest thing I had ever done till now. If there is really something divine I want to ask why loving her doesn't give me any right to live with her. The feeling she doesn't care for me kills me softly with extreme pain and agony everyday. Rucha if somehow somewhere if you are reading this I want to thank you just for making me feel what is love but I can't deny I cry just because you don't love me. You might not feel any care about me, I may be just a joke for you but I'll always love you, whether you love me or not. You are cute, you are beautiful and may get many to choose from but I have only option that is YOU. If any day your mind changes I am waiting here just in case I'll get a chance. Loving you hurts but I still love you.